ト書きの書き方：カメラに映るものだけを書く
脚本のト書きの書き方を解説します。現在形で、カメラに映るものだけを、短い段落と力強い動詞で書きます。続いて、ダメな初稿を1行ずつ直していく過程をご覧ください。
このレッスンで学ぶこと
- ト書きが脚本の中でいちばん大切で、いちばん誤解されている行である理由
- 現在形で、カメラやマイクがとらえられるものだけを書く方法
- 短い段落で画面にリズムを生む方法
- 大文字の名前、年齢、印象に残る特徴でキャラクターを登場させる方法
- 音、小道具、力強い動詞をト書きに入れるべき理由
- ダメな初稿を撮影できるト書きに書き直す方法
ト書きは、今まさに画面で見えるもの、聞こえるものを描写します。このレッスンでは、ト書きを上手に書く方法を紹介します。脚本のト書きの基本ルールを学びます。現在形で書くこと、カメラが映せるものやマイクが拾えるものだけを書くこと、3〜4行の短い段落にすること、そしてすべてのキャラクターに印象的な初登場を与えること。名前は大文字で、年齢と1つか2つの特徴を添えます。
次に The Night Ferry の冒頭を書き、音や小道具を加えます。ScreenWeaver がコンパスのような既存の小道具を提案し、どこでも同じ名前が保たれる様子も確認します。最後に、過去の経緯や感情、「〜が見える」だらけのダメな初稿を1行ずつ書き直し、撮影できる整ったト書きに仕上げます。語るのではなく見せる、その方法がわかります。
全文の文字起こし
英語ナレーションの文字起こしです。
0:04Action lines are the most important lines in your script, and the most misunderstood. They describe what we see and what we hear, right now, on screen. Everything the audience will experience that isn't dialogue lives here.
0:20Rule 1. Write in the present tense. Not Elias coiled the rope, but Elias coils a rope. The screenplay happens now, while we watch.
0:33Rule 2. Write only what a camera can see or a microphone can hear. Not Elias is tired of his lonely life. A camera can't film that. But he checks his pocket watch, 1202. He unhooks the mooring line. Show the loneliness through what he does.
0:53Rule 3. Short paragraphs. Three or four lines at most. Each paragraph is roughly one image, and white space on the page means rhythm on screen. A wall of text reads slowly and plays slowly.
1:08Rule 4. The first time a character appears, write the name in capitals, with an age and one or two details we'll remember. Elias. 60. White beard. Coils a rope with slow, exact gestures. Maya. 20s. Yellow raincoat. Drags a battered suitcase down the jetty. After that, the name goes back to normal.
1:32Let's write the opening of The Night Ferry. After the scene heading, press Enter. The editor moves to an action line on its own. Rain on black water. A single lamp swings above an old ferry. One image, one paragraph. Then Elias. Then the watch. Then footsteps on the wet planks.
1:53Sounds belong in action lines too. Footsteps on the wet planks. The engine coughs. Then dies. In the next part of Screenweaver, these sounds become sound design. So write them down.
2:06Objects matter as well. Once an object exists in your story elements, like the compass of The Night Ferry, Screenweaver recognizes it while you type an action line, and suggests it. So the same object keeps the same name everywhere.
2:21A last trick. Verbs. Strong, specific verbs make a scene come alive. Not Maya walks to the engine, but Maya steps past him, kneels, and hits it twice in the same spot. Every verb is something an actor, or a model, can perform.
2:39Let's fix a bad action line together. Here's a first draft. We see Elias, who has been the ferryman of this lake for forty years since his wife left, slowly and sadly coiling a rope as he thinks about his daughter. Everything in it is a problem. We see. Cut it. Forty years. His wife. His daughter. Backstory. Not filmable. Sadly. Thinks about. Feelings. The rewrite? Elias. Sixty. White beard. Coils a rope with slow, exact gestures. The loneliness is in the gestures, and the daughter stays a surprise for the end.
3:21One more convention you'll see in professional scripts. Some writers put important sounds and key props in capitals inside the action, like the engine dies, or a brass compass. It's optional, and in ScreenWeaver the object suggestions do that job for you, but if it helps you see the key moments on the page, use it consistently.
3:42Your exercise? Write the action of your first scene. Present tense. Camera only. Short paragraphs and a strong first appearance for each character. Next, characters, dialogue, and parentheticals.